15 Marriage Counselling Questions
Photo by Antoni Shkraba
One of the most common uncertainties people have when considering marriage counselling, or even starting any kind of self-reflective journey is: “What do I actually say in therapy?” Closely followed by: “What kind of questions will they ask me?”.
These are perfectly understandable concerns. In fact, they’re the same ones I’d probably have myself before beginning something as meaningful and personal as couples counselling.
In this blog, I’d like to offer a glimpse into how a marriage counselling journey might begin, and what kinds of conversations you might expect. While not every session is the same, I’ll share some of the questions that often come up, especially in the early stages.
I’ll also bring a particular focus (though not exclusively) to the couples we work with most: those in international or intercultural relationships, who often face added layers of complexity around language, identity, distance, or shared expectations.
My hope is that this gives you a bit more clarity, and maybe a little reassurance, as you consider whether this kind of space might be right for you.
Does Marriage Counselling Mean Your Marriage Is Failing?
Photo by Timur Weber
Being in a marriage means bringing together two unique individuals, each with their own past, values, habits, and emotional worlds.
It’s a bit like merging two universes, each filled with different planets and stars.
Sometimes these universes orbit peacefully, without friction.
But the closer they get, the more likely it is that some planets will bump into each other and in real life, these bumps can show up as misunderstandings, tension, or arguments.
Rather than seeing conflict as a sign that something’s wrong, we can begin to see it as part of the natural movement of two complex lives trying to grow together.
These moments of friction can sometimes repeat themselves same themes, same ending, same stuck feeling.
That, too, is completely normal in particular in long term relationships.
Changing these patterns isn’t just about willpower, it’s incredibly difficult to see clearly when you're inside the dynamic.
That’s where a counsellor can make a difference. Not to “fix” your marriage, but to offer a different perspective, one that helps you both understand what’s happening and find new ways to move through it together with more clarity.
What do you say in marriage counselling?
There’s no script, and no pressure to say the “right” thing. In early sessions, you’ll simply be invited to share what feels important to you.
Topics that often come up include:
Why you decided to start marriage counselling
Whether this is your first time in counselling
What you hope to get from the process
In intercultural relationships, couples often mention:
Feeling misunderstood when speaking different native languages
Navigating family roles or cultural expectations
Dealing with relocation and uneven sacrifices
Even if you don’t know where to start, your counsellor will guide the conversation gently, and only explore what feels safe for you.
15 Questions You Might Be Asked in Marriage Counselling
Now let’s explore some of the questions you might be asked in marriage counselling. Every journey is unique and shaped by many factors, but these are some examples that often come up.
What brought you together, and what do you appreciate in each other today?
What situations tend to trigger tension or emotional distance between you?
How do you usually respond when conflict arises?
How do you repair or reconnect after a disagreement?
When do you feel most emotionally close to your partner?
What are some recurring patterns or arguments in your relationship?
How did your past experiences shape the way you relate in your marriage?
What makes it hard to open up or be vulnerable in your relationship?
How do you show love and support, and how do you like to receive it?
What do you think your partner needs from you, emotionally or practically?
How do your cultural backgrounds influence the way you see relationships?
What shared values or goals give your relationship meaning?
When do you feel most understood, and when do you feel misunderstood?
How do you manage stress together, especially during life transitions?
What kind of relationship do you want to build, not just maintain?
Every relationship carries its own rhythm, history, and complexity, and taking the time to reflect on it together can be one of the most meaningful things you do as a couple.
Whether you're facing specific challenges or simply want to strengthen your connection, marriage counselling offers a space to pause, understand, and move forward with greater awareness.
If you’re thinking about starting this kind of journey and want a space where your experiences as an international or intercultural couple are understood, we invite you to complete our short questionnaire.
We’ll match you with a therapist who fits your relationship and goals, so you can begin a path that feels supportive, personal, and built around your story.
If you're curious about whether marriage counselling really works or how much it costs, you might enjoy reading our other blog posts.
